The breakdown of any relationship can be a harrowing and tumultuous time, and it often stirs feelings of hopelessness and futility. But a collapsing partnership doesn’t always have to spell the end, with many couples finding that, through fixing their issues, they can emerge stronger and more bonded than ever before.
With effort, patience and determination, there are ways in which you can side-step a relationship dissolution and forge forward as a more durable duo!
To be a ‘couple’, it involves two people – and this should not be overlooked during any point of a relationship. It always takes an equal effort of both parties to make a relationship work and healthy.
Before undertaking the effort and emotional overhaul of trying to fix your relationship, you need to be sure that both of you are on the same page.
It has taken the two of you to reach this point in your partnership, and therefore it will require both of you to commit to making amends, to pledge to alter any painful or damaging behaviours, to engage in the necessary communication and put in any added effort to move forward.
To truly find out the cause or causes of the relationship demise, you need to isolate the root of any problems. Invariably, any relationship will go through painful periods, and it may be possible that you have glossed over years of upsetting behaviours that have led you to this point.
Make a list, if needs be, and then set aside time to talk to your partner honestly, openly and without judgement. Sometimes the simple act of communication can alleviate negative feelings and bolster the incentive to fix problems.
If you are not used to talking, you may find this a problematic activity, rousing uncomfortable feelings of exposure and vulnerability. Please explain this to your partner too and allow them this opportunity to encourage your honesty through feelings of support and emotional intimacy.
Make sure you structure your conversations to enable both parties to speak openly and be heard. Avoid interrupting the other person or becoming angry or complacent. Listening is as essential as offloading how you feel because it allows you to show respect for the feelings of the other person and the life you have built together.
When you are speaking, try to avoid casting blame and only express from your point of view. For example, instead of using statements such as “YOU go out too much,” or “YOU don’t care about me…” try calmly explaining, “I get lonely when you go out” or “I feel emotionally isolated when I am left alone.”
Try stepping outside of your own emotions and looking at things from your partner’s point of view. It’s essential to look after your feelings but also vital to respect the emotions of the people you love. Often relationships break down as a person may feel that their emotional wellbeing is being neglected.
If you think you may be guilty of being emotionally selfish, then own-up to your mistakes, acknowledge your errors and communicate about how to move forward.
Communication is vital, but you also need to persevere with any agreements or decisions you make. By coming up with a plan of attack with your significant other, it can inspire change and a desire for persistence.
Try writing down 1 or 2 actions that you both agree will help resolve any critical issues you have isolated and be accountable for committing to seeing them through.
Remember this process will be a learning curve and often involves over-writing years of habitual actions. Errors will likely happen but ensure that, as long as you are both trying, any blame or judgement doesn’t overshadow encouragement of effort.
Forgiveness is essential if you want to resolve outstanding issues and move forward as a couple. Forgiveness can be incredibly difficult and painful. It can take time and involves much conscious effort but remember that every single person makes mistakes.
However, if a future outweighs an error, then forgiveness is the only option. It is also an essential way to release any pent-up destructive emotions.
Spending time together to work through your issues, communicating and growing are integral methods for fixing a broken relationship, but do not underestimate the importance of having time apart too.
Solo time is the ideal way to have an overview of your relationship and how matters are developing, to honestly assess how you are feeling and reviewing your needs as an individual.
Time apart doesn’t mean the other person is not invested in resolving or fixing your relationship – allow them the necessary patience and time for thinking if this is what they say they need.
Everyone is busy, and it’s easy to become caught up in routine, be consumed by difficulties and find yourself set on autopilot. Take the time to step back and reflect on your time together within the relationship.
Your first date, your first kiss, your first holiday! Memories are attached to emotions, and by recalling those reasons you fell in love, that walk down memory lane will help you relive those precious emotions.
Not all relationships can be fixed, but the important thing is to take the time and patience to evaluate whether saving a partnership is worthwhile for all involved. This process is not for the faint of heart, but if there is still love in your heart, then it’s worthwhile.
If you need help on family law, divorce and relationship breakdown, find a specialist family law solicitor now. Do you need advice on separation or divorce-related issues? Ask a divorce lawyer on Qredible.co.uk!
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